Permanence and Marriage

For all that was said in three sermons on marriage from 1 Peter 3:1-7, little was said about a commitment to the permanence of marriage. These three statements are an encouragement and exhortation to keep on practicing godly disciplines within the context of marriage.

We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which fixed and unalterable decision has been taken.…If men or women contemplate…an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a 'getaway.' We cannot love and be limited." [Alfred Adler.]

"Before marriage, each by instinct strives to be what the other wants. The young woman desires to look sexy and takes up interest in sports. The young man notices plants and flowers, and works at asking questions instead of just answering monosyllabically. After marriage, the process slows and somewhat reverses. Each insists on his or her rights. Each resists bending to the other's will.
"After years, though, the process may subtly being to reverse again. I sense a new willingness to bend back toward what the other wants — maturely this time, not out of a desire to catch a mate but out of a desire to please a man who has shared a quarter-century of life. I grieve for those couples who give up before reaching this stage." [Philip Yancey, on the occasion of his 25th anniversary.]

"When Hyung Goo and I were deciding whether we wanted to marry each other, I noticed how everybody, Christians included, thought that the only sane way to step into marriage was if you could maintain your fantasy that everything will be fine forever. That meant we shouldn't do it because marriage is supposed to be this pathway strewn with rose petals. And you have to be able to pretend that it will be only that way for the foreseeable future. But it's not. And knowing that is actually helpful for making marital decisions.
"You're not choosing a particular future when you decide to get married, you're choosing a partner for whatever the future brings. And you're choosing to look upon a potential marriage partner as the person that, no matter what happens, I want to do this together with you. That can help to lay a more solid basis for a marriage. You're always going to be hit by curve balls and even the things that you expect are always going to be more challenging when they arrive than what you had imagined." [Margaret Kim Peterson, reflecting on her decision to marry a man dying of AIDS.]