Sunday Leftovers (6/3/07)

A fundamental means of surviving — no, thriving — in marriage is by cultivating love in that marriage.

Husbands are called to love their wives (Eph. 5:25-30).

Wives are called to love their husbands (Titus 2:4).

In the classic passage on love, all believers (including both husbands and wives) are called to a life of love and self-sacrifice (1 Cor. 13:4-8a).

And in Peter's summation of the responsibilities to each other, both husband and wife are to be "brotherly" in their love for each other (1 Pet. 3:8).

So how might we define love?

I have always liked a sdefinition provided by Tim Kimmel that I slightly modified:

"Love is a commitment of my will and my affections to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost to me."

Every word of that definition is important.

• Love is a commitment of the will. It is not something that just happens to someone, but love is intentional and volitional. It is a decision made repeatedly and constantly.
• Love is a commitment of the affections. Love is not just a cold decision, but is a decision that is made with a commitment to be warm and tender. Someone once asked me, "I know I have to love her, but do I have to be her friend?" Scripture knows no such distinction. To love is to be fully engaged and tender towards another.
• Love is a commitment to the needs of another. To love is to say that I am committed to suppressing my needs in order to meet the needs of another. Her needs are more important than my own.
  
• Love is a commitment of the other's best interests. That is, not only are we committed to serving the one we love to provide what she needs, but also things that may not be a "need," but will be in her best interests — to stimulate her love for Christ, to encourage her heart, to demonstrate gratitude, to equip her for service.
• Love is a commitment, regardless of what it costs me. This is where many marriages fail — there is a limit to how far one will commit his will, affections, or service. But love that is genuine has no limitations. It always forgives, it is always kind, it always is patient, it always perseveres. Love never fails. [You might read 1 Cor. 13:4ff again.]

So survival in marriage is rooted in a love that is ever upheld and practiced with full joy and faithfulness. That will produce a marriage that not only "makes it," but one that also thrives!